Yes You are Racist Too.-

I couldn't stop thinking about it, I haven't been able to sleep really, or get it all out of my head.

I turned off my social media, and tried to connect back with the earth, tried to compartmentalize, as I always do.. Issues of race, homophobia  and hatred in the world, and if I'm being really honest, within me.

It's so interesting that I can be awake to the injustice, to the hatred, to the systems that have literally been built on the backs of BIPOC backs and, yet.. still have the luxury of going to sleep at night not wondering if my kids are going to be safe at the end of all of this.

This my friends, is the very definition of white privilege. 

As sad as this is, I think white women struggle to listen and actually HEAR the voices of black women because we have been so trained to think that passion is aggression and not acceptable. We have been trained our whole lives to think that being woman means to be quiet, submissive, nurturing and complacent. We don't realize that nurturing also comes in the VERY beautiful form of a momma bear when she's protecting her cubs.

Since our subconscious is formed by the time we are 7-8 years old, and it holds beliefs from our ancestors as well as our culture of these things. IE. "submission is obedience. quiet is peace. calm is attractive. nurturing is soft." we don't necessarily consciously try to ignore the BIPOC who's subconscious may have a different view of nurturing, peace etc. But our subconscious automatically blocks the voices out.

It is not until we hear it over and over again, until we are open to the possibility of our own bias and racism and examining those deep subconscious beliefs, that we will be able to hear the voices without pushing them out of our brains because they don't "compute" with our subconscious mind computer.

So, this might be, unfortunately, why you might hear this and actually retain it, from a white person, rather than from a BIPOC. (Black indigenous person of color).

YOU ARE RACIST.

I AM TOO.

AND ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK WHEN I SAY THAT.

also, observe your body language when you just read that.

We were trained as kids that we shouldn't "see" color. That we shouldn't talk about race. That we should ignore the differences between us. To prove we weren't racist because we have black friends, and black neighbors, and we grew up in schools where black people surrounded us. It's not politically correct to talk about race. SHHHH.. It's not kosher to speak of such indifferences. (insert gasp, eye roll, and holy shit did she just say all of that face).

Our childhood was coming off of our parents age where segregation was very much vocalized, and because society swings back and forth in a pendulum in wanting to correct itself... we learned that we had to be QUIET.

I remember the first time "Racial reconciliation" came up in my church at the time. I was so "for" it, and really believed that it was such a good thing.

But when it came to actually doing the work behind the scenes, reading the books, engaging in conversations... I would do it. But it was hard, I would tell myself, and maybe it really wasn't as bad as they were making it seem.

They.

Us and them.

White and black.

segregated still in my mind.

Even to this day.

This is racism within me.

Last night there was a protest in Akron, and I thought about going.

I decided not to, because if it got violent, I have babies at home.

This choice, is the privilege I have simply because of my color.

This is the white privilege I HAVE.

I could go to sleep soundly and peacefully last night, reminding my kids to be kind to those who are different than them... all the while thousands of BIPOC families are tucking their beautiful children into bed wondering if they'll be safe in the coming days.

So.. why Am I talking about this here?

What does white privilege have to do with creating consciousness?

Well... everything.

Because as we become conscious, we awake to the reality of all of the systems and structures that have built its foundation on the backs of oppressing others.

And as this happens, as we awake, we feel extreme discomfort (also known as white fragility) to recognize that we ourselves have racism, privilege and all of these words we told ourselves we "didnt" and "dont" have because we aren't outwardly "hating" anyone.

I KNOW, because I have been there, and am there. I am not speaking at you. I am speaking because I AM YOU.

So as we go through this process, I want you to know that I do not expect a single BIPOC to hold my hand through this process, and you should not either.

They are traumatized, they are sick and they are tired. They are angry, they are grieving, and they are waking up within themselves in their own ways. You might be the enemy for awhile, and you're going to have to learn to be okay with that. 

So because they are not going to hold your hand, and THEY SHOULDN'T. For this moment, at least.

As we awake, as we experience the discomfort of cognitive dissonance of racism and how it has founded and built our country, and is now shifting and changing as these very systems are collapsing, I'd like to remind you of a few things, if you're subconscious will allow it.

1. You are not your thoughts

For years we have thought that our thoughts were us. That if we told people the cycle of streaming things that was going through our brains at any given moment we would be found out. People would see us, and most of us have learned to tune the thoughts out, not even realizing the endless stream of thoughts, which then inform our emotions, our body language, and our actions.

When we create consciousness we practice observation. We understand that we are not our thoughts, we are simply the consciousness that observes them.

When we practice observation, and then do subconscious healing, we no longer feel the emotional attachment to our thoughts, and when we do we observe the emotions that arise in our bodies, we get curious instead of defensive.

Ie. "I wonder why I am so defensive when people say that I have racism within me"

"I wonder why I go to a seemingly safer place in the Walmart isle when a black man enters the same isle."

"I wonder why I get annoyed when BIPOC listen to their music loudly when I like mine softer"

When we are attached to the idea that our thoughts ARE us, we shame these thoughts. We think that we are horrible people because we have thought them. We try to ignore them, because we've practiced the art of ignoring our instincts, our thoughts, and our intuition our whole lives.

INSTEAD WE:

We observe the thought.

We get curious.

We observe our emotional reaction & our desire to cope.

And then we pause.

Wow. That was a very racist thought within me. This is a result of my programming and conditioning. This is happening regularly, my conditioned bias is very much real and alive. I wonder where that came from? I wonder what I can do to release those emotions? I wonder what I can do now to learn from these triggers?

2. Our Bodies Hold Ancestral Trauma

I'm assuming we all know (but let's be honest its never safe to assume in this world) that BIPOC bodies hold the trauma of their ancestors. That trauma is passed down from mother to baby, meaning each person of color around you is holding ancestral trauma.

Let it be known, that each of their bodies and beautiful minds is also holding trauma from their current lives as well. Just because you think you are not racist, and you mean no ill will, DOES NOT MEAN that they do not actively and passively have aggression from white people acted against them on a daily basis. Our entire systems are formed for them to fail. 

They are being traumatized on a daily basis.

So what does that have to do with me?

With my white body?

and my whiteness?

Well... MY BODY holds ancestral trauma as well.

Meaning. my racism within ALSO is ancestral.

It is passed down from body to body.. and I know I know you don't "think" you are racist, and you don't think your family is racist because you have your best friend who is black, and your aunt who married a black man, that you love.

But you are. So am I, and if you feel resistance within yourself when I say that.. it's only because you have not done the work to see it within yet.

Remember our steps?

Observe it.

Take a deep breath.

Get curious.

And just so you know, when BIPOC voices first started telling me that I was racist I felt the resistance, had all the excuses, and everything in me shouting back at them saying.. NO IM NOT. SEE I HAVE A TOKEN BLACK BEST FRIEND and family that is black. I AM NOT RACIST..... dot dot dot.

So maybe this will help if it comes from a white voice. When I tell you that you are racist I want you to know something as well....

YOU ARE NOT YOUR CONDITIONING.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR ANCESTRAL TRAUMA.

This is why creating consciousness is SO important in this work of being antiracist, because the emotional attachment to the thoughts is no longer there when you understand that YOU are not your thoughts. HOWEVER, you DO HAVE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM. This isn't a "get out of jail free" card. Its a "I know you didn't realize you were in jail, but you are and you need to let the other people out too" invitation.

While we create consciousness, we can observe our privilege, our racism,  we can be curious and then we can decide what we want to DO WITH what we observe.

Only you can make that choice after that.

But you must take responsibility for it.

It is no ones job, but yours.

Let's Try this.

Instead of convincing yourself that you are not racist.. that you are simply speaking out about the hatred around you... assuming you are not part of it, that you're one of the good guys (I do it too) assume that you are racist.

Look for all the ways within that you prefer your color.

And when you find them.

Don't do the shame spiral, telling us to be silent and quiet about our racism.

Look it dead in the eye. 

Straight in the face.

Ask it questions.

Get curious.

And let the answer of WHAT TO DO NEXT, come to you. Because it will.

3. We have shit ton of work to do

Here is where the work comes in. Once you start the practice of observation, detaching from the emotion of the thoughts. You will feel alarmed. Weird even. Youll feel a variety of things, grief, anger, denial, shame, etc. This is also all based on your conditioning and programming.

I cant really tell you which one of your programs will detach and deconstruct first. All I know Is that I am speaking to the one right now of racism.

If you're reading this thus far, chances are that you are waking up to the reality that "One nation under God" was built on the backs of those of color and those who are indigenous to this nation.

No BIPOC should have to speak to our white fragility in this. However, because I am a white person, maybe I can offer you a hand that says. I get it, I know it can be alarming, it can feel scary and honestly, embarrassing to recognize the amount of racism within your body and mind as you start to observe and create consciousness.

So let me reassure you once again, you are not your thoughts.

However, also let me be the one to tell you.

you still have work to do.

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

Let's start with what NOT to do first.

WHAT NOT TO DO as you awaken to your white privilege

1. DO NOT Ask for your BIPOC friends to TEACH YOU what they want you to do

I've done it to trust me, but this is your privilege in white shining armor. Do you understand that part of their trauma is that they have had to serve US and TEACH us, and nurse OUR babies, and SUPPORT us for YEARS? Every time you do this (its your conditioning) asking THEM for help instead of going out to do the research yourself, you are re-enforcing that trauma within them. They may even comply but its because of their own conditioning to do that for you, because thats what they've done for years. STOP re-traumatizing them. IT IS NOT THEIR JOB to teach you. IT IS YOUR JOB to learn. They are already speaking. They are already sharing their stories, you just don't like the manner in which they are coming to you. It feels too aggressive, too one sided, too angry. It strokes our ego to be taught by asking for help from them, because we still have the upper hand. We can have a voice back, we can have a conversation.  But this is not the way we TRULY learn on a soul level. We learn as we observe. We learn as we stop talking, especially as ones who have controlled the narrative of our country since Columbus. We learn as we put their voices front and center in our lives and in our communities, in our schools and churches, our systems and our conditioning EVEN WHEN IT IS HARD for our subconscious to accept that nurturing may look like a fierce momma bear who is ripping the walls down for her babies to be protected.

Because let me tell you.

That's about as nurturing as it gets.

2. DO NOT assume that you are not racist or privileged, because you are.

I think I covered this one already, but I will do it again. No it's not okay that this is the way that the world is operating, and yes.. this system of elitism will fall. Yes i Know that you worked hard for everything you have and nothing was handed to you, and you dont "hate" anyone... BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT RACISM OR PRIVILEGE MEAN. Do the work to educate yourself beyond this one blog post to learn about systemically what racism and privilege are.. We are the ones, as white people who have to do the work to dismantle the very system that has privileged and preferred us our entire lives. In case you are wondering, and your "im going to get kicked out of the tribe" subconscious belief is being activated right now (spoiler alert.. it is! and its your programming)...yes we will be hated by other white people for that, and yes it will be hard.. and yes it will be worth it. Yes you will have hard conversations with your family members, your spouses, your kids. Yes you will be on different pages with it. Yes it will feel lonely, and confronting, and scary. Yes you will feel out of sorts.

This is the process of waking up.

This applies to every single area of waking up in your conscious.

And this will happen over and over again as you deconstruct the areas of programming that have kept you in the cage that you are currently in.

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

BIPOC again should not be the ones to tell us what to do as white people of privilege, however SO MANY have offered graciously resources and work for us to learn from them and their stories. Here are a few things you CAN do.

1. Have tough conversations about race, privilege, toxic feminism and elitism in your home.

THE CONSCIOUS KID is a place that I have started. It may be helpful for you too.

THIS SYLLABI made by Rachel Cargle for white women is where it is at. PLEASE Read this.

2. Research the history of our nation (the real history),

what racism actually is (its not a feeling, it is a SYSTEM in which prefers those of different color skin than you no one is saying you're a horrible person when they say "examine your racism") and of feminism as well (there is a long history of feminism being rooted in white privilege)

Here are some great resources a friend passed along to me this weekend on that.

-The history of white feminism and our country

-How the suffrage movement betrayed black women

-Feminism & Race in the United States

3. Start educating your kids on race,

(NO WE ARE NOT ALL ONE COLOR AND YES YOU SHOULD SEE COLOR BECAUSE THE WORLD IS MADE UP TO FAVOR YOUR COLOR), and racism. Please understand that race is a social construct. It is not something that your kids come out of the womb understanding. You have to explain tot hem what color is (i know its the opposite of how you were taught) and you NEED to have tough convos with them about the reality of their privilege as a white child. Is this easy? NO. Is it worth it? Absolutely. You keeping them ignorant is not helping them, I promise. This is how we got to the place we are at now.

4. FOLLOW Black, indigenous, people of color voices on social media.

Take a quick gander to see those who only look like you on social that you are learning from. If you are following a few BIPOC people, look into who they are sharing on their feeds, and follow them as well. Some of those that I have learned from are

@rachelcargle

@nowhitesaviors

@theconsciouskid

@evyan.whitney

@iamrachelricketts

@laylafsaad

And seriously SO many others are helping you so graciously. LISTEN to their voices. To their stories. Don't comment. Don't slide into their DM's asking how they can teach you. Just listen for now.

5. READ books by black indigenous and people of color authors

"White fragility" - Robin Diangelo

"Me and white supremacy" - Layla F. Saad

area great place to start and here is an extensive list as well.

6. Have the conversations. Do the work. Don't just show up online, but in Real Life. Learn (by listening) how you can help them. DONATE to their work and causes, buy their books and their courses, and TEACH THEIR CONTENT in your everyday conversations.

Okay. I think thats it. for now.

Here's the thing.

Humanity is waking up.

We are rising in vibration and consciousness. That means ALL of the low vibe structures and things that have held us here in these low vibe states.... WILL FALL. and racism is absolutely 100% one of them.

You are choosing which side of history you are on right now my love, and the fact that you got this far, shows me which side you are choosing to be on.

WE ARE ALL ONE.

Absolutely.

WHICH ALSO MEANS.

NO ONE IS FREE, UNTIL WE ARE ALL FREE.

#blacklivesmatter