We're all addicts... yep I said it!
Wasn't it neat when you got to stay inside your ego box... point your fingers at those who were addicted to drugs & alcohol and sex... PHEW thank God that wasn't you ... right?
.... right.
Except. You're an addict too.
What is addiction anyways?
Why am I even talking about it?
Well my love.. where the world sees you as a helper, as a beautiful kind person... this is just because they have only seen the presentable side of your shadow. or the EGO . Or as I like to call her, my big sister.
Trust me when I Say that I don't say this to point fingers... or maybe I do. Either way, I say this because of all of the offenders... I WAS definitely one of them.
For 10 years I was a missionary, a non profit leader, a helper, a great wife, a great daughter, and a great mom by all the worlds standards. I spent the majority of my life helping others, standing on my soapbox to tell people about God (well the version that I thought was acceptable about God anyways) , and got a slow clap from the audience often.
And then the shit hit the fan.
And let this be your OFFICIAL WARNING.
If you do not do the work now, your shit will hit the fan too.
And as much as my ego steps in and wants to save you from it, I will try with all of my might to resist.
JUST DO THE WORK. HEAL YOURSELF LOVE.
So what am I even talking about?
We are all addicted, because all addiction is... is a coping mechanism.
To cope with.
EMOTION.
And emotion is... ENERGY IN MOTION.
Period.
Thats it.
So where our society has labeled, boxed off, shamed, and ostracized entire groups of people because of their choice of coping mechanisms, labeling them as such. I want to tell you that you are no different than them. AND MAYBE if you can see that you have a problem, you will get the help you need too.
You know how its said "an addict doesn't get help until they're ready".
Well, I hope you're ready love, because your socks are about to be blown off and smothered into smithereens working with me... EEEEEK! YAY FOR BARE FEET AND FROLICKING FREELY THROUGH THE GRASS!
We are addicted to our emotional cycles.
Because our subconscious is fulled formed by the age of 8 years old.. yes EIGHT , and it is currently controlling 95% of your day unless you have done subconscious healing work...
You are a precious little kid, with grown up skin on.
Your subconscious is made up of your inner child, ego, primal instincts & two fears.
1. The fear of loud noises
2. The fear of falling.
Thats all.
Every other fear is learned or programmed.
let me repeat.
EVERY OTHER FEAR IS LEARNED OR PROGRAMMED.
This must mean, that all of our fears & programs can become unlearned. DAMN STRAIGHT. yes they can.
Here is the the thing.
We are all not just walking kiddos with grown up skin on,
we are walking WOUNDED kiddos with grown up skin on.
There are no exceptions for prayers that you've prayed that make you think you are disconnected from that version of self (ego projection), or nice intentions.
Our inner child, is the one who was left there is a traumatic (unbiased... it could be something SO simple to your adult conscious mind). As well as our ego, is the one who stepped up to "take over the show" and protect your inner child.
These are who we work on healing and loving with all of our might in the be healed collective.
AHHH I love them.
Let me share with you a bit about my inner child & ego.
My inner child was left on the stairs of my parents house around the age of 9 years old. There was fighting downstairs and she was terrified. She felt abandoned, lost, afraid, unseen, and utterly alone. She felt shame for having needs, she was lonely, and felt shame for feeling lonely.
She looked around and saw that her little brother was sleeping in the room next to her, and in that moment, she decided that she would stay there. She no longer would get her needs met, and she would deny these feelings she felt, to make sure her brother was protected.
This my friend, is where my helper...
The beautiful part of me that society praised.
Was born.
She was the ego,
And in all her tenacity, brilliance, intensity, fire and fierceness, she was doing the only thing she knew how to do.
PROTECT my inner child.
And how did she do that?
By protecting my brother.
Which then projected onto protecting the WORLD.
SO WHAT WAS I ADDICTED TO?
well... many things, for one.
We all have coping mechanisms, and only those that are societally uncomfortable and ugly to look at, are labeled "addictions".
But what if you're addicted to helping?
What if when you feel triggered in fear, in anger, in sadness... you then move outside yourself?
What if you are addicted to a seemingly innocent relationship with God... all to move away from feeling your own emotions?
What if society praises the very people who YES, indeed are meant to help heal the world... but those who refuse to go inside and heal themselves?
WHEW.
What would that do?
Well all the barriers would be broken for one.
Two, we would probably see that those who have been labeled "addicts" by the world are actually freaking geniuses who FEEL so beautifully and so deeply, and are actually world changers and we would stop shaming and labeling them.
Three, we would no longer be able to stay in our ego, because she has been exposed.. and we see her in all her beautiful attempts to keep our vulnerable inner child safe.
Our shadow would be exposed.
And we would be forced to look into our OWN narcism, our own fundamental expressions of our ego Into our religious preferences, our helping nature, and our dysfunction.
LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY.
YOU MATTER.
And at some point in your childhood, as small as it may have seemed... You received the message that you didn't.
Through an action, verbally, or simply because you didn't get a need met in the way you desired.
And so you started going outside yourself, helping others.. to collect your stories of validation... showing them to yourself in a mirror of WHY YOU MATTER.
You were drawn to things.. maybe religion like me.. that told you a message that "cutting off yourself" from the "old" you was the way towards freedom.
Im here to tell you thats not true.
You ... are hidden in there. The true authentic you, is desperate to be seen.
And she will KEEP trying to get your attention, through your emotions.. your stuck energy in motion that wants released in your body... UNTIL YOU SEE HER.
Until you stop helping others, to help yourself.
In a time like now when all of the helpers in the world are activated a message is replayed over and over in our subconscious collective that says... IF I HELP MYSELF OTHERS WILL BE HURT. NO ONE WILL HELP THEM.
This is a program.
This is also bullshit.
This is a defense mechanism.
I SEE YOU.
I literally see right through It.
BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN YOU.
I am you, you are me, we are all one after all.
Humanity will not heal with you going outside yourself to get it.
It will only heal once we go within.
You are brave enough, you just forgot along the way that YOU hold the secret wisdom inside.
Our emotional addictions... are simply the way of keeping our subconscious in the same cycle over and over again. We get hyped, to then get low. We get anxious to activate the ego takeover, of fight && remind our inner child that she still cant be seen. We get depressed to activate our flight ego takeover to do the same.
YALL .
ARE YOU FREAKING READY?
This stuff doesn't come just from me, and my lived experience.
Its coming from the collective experience.
Will you make the choice to heal? To evolve?
Will you be brave enough to look at your own shadow and your own emotional addictions?
I promise you, it will be the BEST freedom you have ever experienced.
